She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
