My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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