so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
