He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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