and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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