I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I think your dad took our porno
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize