I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
