Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
