you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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