That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
