dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
