But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
