Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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