I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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