I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I will die if light touches me.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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