You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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