Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
