you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
