And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
