Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
