mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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