They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
