My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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