Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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