I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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