so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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