Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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