you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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