Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I think your dad took our porno
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
