11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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