Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
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