I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
that's an acceptable place to lick
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
