his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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