'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
