i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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