My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
