Dude my mom stole all your condoms
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
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