I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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