does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
