Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
