EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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