based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
