I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
