No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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