well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
