the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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