Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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