You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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