TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
