i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
