There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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