I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
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